本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2013年考研英语二高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注,对照考研英语作文批改热点话题与评分细则,你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。
一、2013年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2013年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should 1) interpret the chart, and 2) give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)
二、2013年考研英语二大作文批改例文
This bar chart conveys to the situation of the students part-time job in a campus. It"s clearly depict that the senior students has made up the most porpotion which is 88.24%. Also, there has increased in junior student, which the percentage of 67.77% are engaged.
There are many benefits of participating in the part-time job. To begin with, the part-time job employments will tell the college students the essencial of soft skills in their vocational career. What"s more, It"s an outstanding experience to enhance the social skills during the complex environment, further the eyesight that allowing them to make career decision. Last but not the least, the part-time job makes them attractive when they pursue a good job after graduation.
It"s fancinating to watch out these kind of changes that callege students devote to their development in the future. I think the porpotion will be rapidly climbing up because of the tendency that students are awareness that they need to prepare for their life"s work.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:conveys to the situation o
批改:搭配错误:“conveys to the situation” 应为 “shows/conveys the situation of 因为convey是及物动词,不需要加to
原文: students part-time job
批改:“students part-time job” 表达混乱,需改为 “students’ part-time job participation”(学生兼职参与情况)
原文:in a campus
批改:“in a campus” 改为 “at a certain university”(题干隐含 “某大学”,更贴合真题语境) This bar chart shows the situation of students’ part-time job participation at a certain university.
原文:It"s clearly depict
批改:It"s clearly depict” 应为 “It clearly depicts”(“it” 作形式主语,谓语用第三人称单数)
原文:has
批改:注意主谓一致使用错误 应该是have
原文:porpotion
批改:“porpotion”→“proportion”
原文:students has made up the most porpotion which is 88.24%
批改:数据偏差:真题中大四兼职比例为 88.24%,表述正确,但需明确 “占比” 对象,即 “the proportion of senior students with part-time jobs”,是干兼职的人占大四学生总人数的比例,要明确这些数据代表的到底是什么 ,参照It clearly depicts that senior students account for the largest proportion—88.24% of them have part-time jobs.
原文:here has increased in junior student, which the percentage of 67.77% are
批改:语法混乱:“there has increased” 应为 “the proportion has also increased among junior students”;“which the percentage of 67.77% are engaged” 语义不通,真题中大三兼职比例为 71.93%(非 67.77%,67.77% 为大一数据),需修正数据并调整表达。 参照:“Additionally, the proportion has also increased among junior students, with 71.93% of them having part-time jobs. For freshmen, the percentage is 67.77%.
批改:能识别图表类型(柱状图),尝试呈现 “大四兼职比例最高” 的核心趋势,有 “解读图表” 的基础意识。 不足:语法错误密集(如 “It"s clearly depict”),数据混淆(将大一 67.77% 错标为大三数据);未完整呈现 “大一→大二→大三稳步上升、大四显著增长” 的完整趋势,图表解读不全面;关键表达(如 “占比”)不准确,影响信息传递。
原文:the part-time job
批改:表达优化:“the part-time job” 改为 “part-time jobs”(泛指兼职,不用定冠词)。 可参考:“There are many benefits for college students to take part-time jobs.”
原文:essencial
批改:拼写错误:“essencial”→“importance”(“essencial” 为形容词,此处需名词 “重要性”,用 “importance” 更准确)
原文:part-time job employments
批改:表达冗余:“the part-time job employments” 改为 “part-time jobs”
原文: It"s
批改:“It"s” 首字母无需大写
原文:urther the eyesight that allowing them to make career decisi
批改:“further the eyesight that allowing” 语义不通,推测想表达 “拓宽视野,帮助做职业决策”,应为 “it also broadens their horizons and helps them make better career decisions” 参考:What’s more, it is a valuable experience to improve social skills in complex social environments, which also broadens their horizons and helps them make better career decisions.
原文:attractive
批改:用competitive更好一点Last but not least, part-time work experience makes them more competitive when they look for good jobs after graduation.
批改:围绕“兼职的好处”展开,从 “软技能、社交能力、就业竞争力” 三个角度切入,主题方向正确,符合 “评论” 的要求;用 “To begin with...What"s more...Last but not least” 搭建框架,层次清晰。 不足:拼写错误(essencial、callege)频发;部分表达语义不通(如 “further the eyesight”);部分句式生硬
原文: fancinating
批改:“fancinating”→“fascinating”
原文:callege
批改:“callege”→“college”
原文:changes that callege students devote to their development in the future
批改:语义和因果逻辑不是太通顺,可以参照修改:It’s fascinating to see such changes, as college students are committed to their future development.
原文:watch out
批改:用词不妥,这是小心、当心的意思
原文: porpotion
批改:“porpotion”→“proportion”
原文:awareness
批改:语法错误:“are awareness” 改为 “are aware”(“be aware that” 为固定搭配)
原文:ll be rapidly climbing up because of the tendency that students are awareness that they need to prepare for their life"s work
批改:建议调整:I think the proportion will continue to rise steadily, as more students are aware that they need to prepare for their future careers
批改:明确回应 “未来趋势”,观点清晰(比例会增长),并关联 “学生为未来准备” 的原因,有 “评论” 的逻辑意识。 不足:拼写错误仍存在;部分表达稍显生硬;部分搭配和用词使用不恰当,语言问题突出
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:6/15
本文框架完整,能围绕 “兼职的好处” 展开论述,有基础写作思路。但核心问题突出:一是基础错误严重,语法、拼写错误密集,数据混淆,严重影响语言准确性与信息真实性;二是图表解读不完整,未呈现完整趋势,关键信息传递错误;三是论述缺乏针对性,未结合 “年级差异”(如大四为就业做准备)细化评论,且部分表达语义不通,逻辑连贯性弱。整体需优先修正基础错误,理清图表数据与趋势,再优化论述逻辑与语言表达,才能符合考研作文要求。背单词的时候记得不要仅仅背意思,词性和搭配也要一起记忆,加油!
读懂范文只是第一步,写出高分作文才是关键。启航教育提供考研英语作文免费批改服务,由资深讲师逐句点评,让你清晰掌握考研英语作文批改写作锦囊的核心要点。2027考研英语备考,从一篇专业批改开始。
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