考研英语一2023年大作文失分点批改

本文精选了一篇得分13分以上的2023年考研英语一大作文高分范例，并附启航老师对该范文的逐句批改。文中清晰展示了考研英语写作锦囊评分细则中关于语法多样性、词汇丰富度与逻辑连贯性的得分技巧，是考研英语学习的高价值内容。

一、考研英语一2023年大作文题目

考研英语一2023年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay based on the picture below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2023年大作文批改例文

写作B节

The cartoon describes a dragon boat race that all of people in the town have run out their houses to see the dragon boat race. And an old woman holds her husband，s hands and happily says, "It is so great that our dragon boat race is cheering up!” This picture calls our attention to protect our traditional culture.

The importance of cultural traditions are greatly significant. Through our history, we have used them to bring everyone together and created a sense of belonging and unity. Nowadays, the significance of our traditional culture is becoming more than ever as foreign culture has coming in our country. The younger generation is obsession with foreign culture and they disregard their culture. These situations are making our traditional culture more and more dangerous.

Fortunately, the issue has aroused extensive attention. All kinds of positions in the society have begined to protect our culture. This is why we have the chance to see the revitalization of cultural tradition in this town.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：The cartoon describes a dragon boat race that all of people in the town have run out their houses to see the dragon boat race

批改：错误：① 定语从句连接词错误（that 改为 where，修饰先行词 race 表地点场景）；② 冗余表达（删除第二个 dragon boat race，避免重复）；③ 固定搭配错误（run out 改为 run out of，“跑出” 需加 of 接宾语）；④ 冠词冗余（all of people 改为 all the people 或 people，all 后接复数名词无需 of）。 修改：The cartoon depicts a dragon boat race where all the people in the town have run out of their houses to watch it.（describes 改为 depicts 更书面化；see 改为 watch 更贴合 “观看比赛” 场景）

原文： And an old woman holds her husband，s hands and happily says, "It is so great that our dragon boat race is cheering up!”

批改：错误：① 标点错误（husband，s 改为 husband’s，所有格无空格；中文逗号改为英文逗号）；② 语法错误（cheering up 改为 gaining popularity，“受欢迎、兴盛” 更贴合语境，cheer up 侧重 “使振奋”）；③ 连词冗余（And 改为 Meanwhile，逻辑更连贯）。 修改：Meanwhile, an old woman holds her husband’s hand and happily says, "It is so great that our dragon boat race is gaining popularity!"（hand 改为单数，“握住丈夫的手” 更自然）

原文：his picture calls our attention to protect our traditional culture.

批改：错误：固定搭配错误（call attention to 后接动名词，protect 改为 protecting）。 修改：This picture calls our attention to protecting our traditional culture.

原文：The importance of cultural traditions are greatly significant.

批改：错误：① 主谓不一致（are 改为 is，主语为 importance 单数）；② 语义冗余（greatly significant 多余，importance 已表 “重要性”）。 修改：Cultural traditions are of great importance.（简化表达，更符合英文习惯）

原文：together and created a sense of belonging and unity. Nowadays, the significance of our traditional culture is becoming more than ever as foreign culture has coming in our country.

批改：错误：① 语义不完整（more than ever 后加 important）；② 语法错误（has coming 改为 has been pouring into，“大量涌入” 更贴合语境，现在完成进行时表持续动作）；③ 单复数错误（foreign culture 改为 foreign cultures）。 修改：Nowadays, the significance of our traditional culture is becoming more important than ever as foreign cultures have been pouring into our country.

原文： The younger generation is obsession with foreign culture and they disregard their culture.

批改：错误：① 词性错误（obsession 改为 obsessed，be obsessed with 为固定搭配）；② 单复数错误（foreign culture 改为 foreign cultures；their culture 改为 their own traditional culture，指代更明确）；③ 连词错误（and 改为 while，表对比）。 修改：The younger generation is obsessed with foreign cultures while disregarding their own traditional culture.（简化句子结构，更简洁）

原文： These situations are making our traditional culture more and more dangerous.

批改：错误：语义不当（dangerous 改为 endangered，“濒临消失的” 更贴合 “传统文化受威胁” 语境）。 修改：These phenomena are putting our traditional culture in increasing danger.（situations 改为 phenomena 更书面化；调整表达更自然）

原文：All kinds of positions in the society have begined to protect our culture.

批改：错误：① 拼写错误（begined 改为 begun）；② 语义不当（positions 改为 sectors，“社会各界” 用 all sectors of society 固定表达）；③ 冠词冗余（the society 改为 society）。 修改：All sectors of society have begun to take action to protect our traditional culture.（补充 take action 使语义完整；明确 “传统文化”）

原文： This is why we have the chance to see the revitalization of cultural tradition in this town.

批改：错误：单复数错误（cultural tradition 改为 cultural traditions）。 修改：This is why we have the chance to witness the revitalization of cultural traditions in this town.（see 改为 witness 更书面化）

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：7/10

本文精解的2023年考研英语一范文，在启航教育AI智能批改系统中拿到了高分评价。快速揪出失分点，对着薄弱点学提升更快，是考研英语写作锦囊备考的贴心帮手。扫码预约，免费体验考研英语作文AI智能批改。