考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大,一直是2014年考研英语二备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语二写作冲刺话题,给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文,文中不仅有逐句批注,还附有可复制的考研英语二高分写作模板。
一、2014年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2014年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and2) give your comments.You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET.
二、2014年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The bar chart clearly depicts the change of Chinese urban populations and rural populations from 1990 to 2010. In 1990, the number of urban populations was 300 million, but by 2010, the figure had substantially risen to 666 million. In contrast, the number of rural populations slow decline of 160 million during the same period.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dynamic development, the younger generation, particularly those born in 1990s and 2000s, are accustomed to searching works in central cities, and someone has setted down in there. In addition, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our goverment has made tremendous efforts to build a sound economic system, enabling rural people have ample opportunities to search suitable jobs. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
What about future trends? I am confident that the number of urban populations will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast, the number of rural populations will likely continue to remain relatively stable.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:populations
批改:删去
原文:The bar chart clearly depicts the change of Chinese urban populations and rural populations from 1990 to 2010.
批改:首句概括图表内容也可以说 “The bar chart displays the change of the number of Chinese urban and rural residents in 1990 and 2010.”
原文:populations
批改:改为 population
原文:populations
批改:改为 population
原文:populations
批改:改为 population
原文:slow decline of
批改:这里可以转换词性,用decline的动词用法表达起来会更简洁,改为 slowly declined/decreased by...
原文:The bar chart clearly depicts the change of Chinese urban populations and rural populations from 1990 to 2010. In 1990, the number of urban populations was 300 million, but by 2010, the figure had substantially risen to 666 million. In contrast, the number of rural populations slow decline of 160 million during the same period.
批改:描述图表中的变化及相互关系时,一是表达可以尽量灵活,“人口”就可以用如residents/population等表类似含义的词替换;二是多积累表变化的动词、形容词、副词,也可以灵活转换词性,像increase/decline就既可以作名词又可作动词,掌握一个词的多种用法会有利于让表达更自如;三表对比关系还可以用while,如 "The number of urban residents had surged from 300 million to 666 million during the past two decades while residents in rural areas had significantly decreased by 160 million at the same time."
原文:searching works
批改:找工作可以说 seeking for jobs
原文:central cities
批改:大城市可以说 metropolis,a bustling metropolis "繁忙的大都市"
原文:someone has setted down in there
批改:改为 many employees/talents choose to settle down there
原文:goverment
批改:正确写法为 government
原文:rural people
批改:可以说 rural residents 或 people living in rural areas
原文:search suitable jobs
批改:改为 search for new jobs
原文:The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, against the backdrop of our country"s rapid and dynamic development, the younger generation, particularly those born in 1990s and 2000s, are accustomed to searching works in central cities, and someone has setted down in there. In addition, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our goverment has made tremendous efforts to build a sound economic system, enabling rural people have ample opportunities to search suitable jobs. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
批改:本段分析了产生图中现象的原因,就业这一角度把握的很好,建议先从图中的变化提取出观点”城镇人口不断增加,乡村人口不断减少“,再以“国家——企业——个人”的逻辑展开,如:1.就业和人才政策完善,人才福利多,鼓励更多人前往大城市发展;2.城市交通便利、资源丰富、消费需求旺盛等优势吸引更多企业入驻,也为人们从农村迁往城市寻求更多就业机会提供了契机;3.从个人衣食住行方面来说,城市服务水平较高,可以满足人们日益增长的各项需求,吸引更多人前往定居
原文:populations
批改:改为 population
原文:populations
批改:改为 population
原文:likely
批改:可以删去
原文:What about future trends? I am confident that the number of urban populations will steadily increase in the following decades. In contrast, the number of rural populations will likely continue to remain relatively stable.
批改:结尾进行了预测,未来城镇人口将继续增加
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:7/15
1)内容上:描述了图表内容,主干可以更充实;
2)语言上:多转换词性,变换表达,词汇驾驭和句子组织有待加强;
3)结构上:有意识地使用衔接词,论述角度可以更丰富;
4)学习建议:
文中主要围绕”城镇人口增加,乡村人口减少“这一趋势,分析“为什么”会产生这一变化,可以从“国家发展、城乡变迁和人们衣食住行”等角度展开论述逻辑。一是内容上可以举出具体例子如“大城市交通便利、基础设施完善、服务水平较高、就业机会多,促使城市人口增加”,最好把这些逻辑都串联起来,分点逐条阐述;二是表达上要尽量简洁、灵活,多用转述、同义替换,先把基础的句子架构组织起来,再尝试拓展更多句型句式,之后要多复盘总结图表类作文常用表达,继续加油!
如果你也想让自己的考研英语二作文拿到理想分数,可以将本文的范文与老师批注作为标杆反复研读。同时,启航教育2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班已正式启动报名,在线咨询可获考研英语二写作冲刺高分资料礼包。
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