2021年考研英语二大作文失分点批改

本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2021年考研英语二大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文话题写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目

考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)

二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文

The bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of the ways of doing exercise among the citizens in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, factors such as exercising with family members and group activities are also considered, accounting for 23.9% and 15.8%, respectively. The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes. our government has made tremendous efforts to build more basketball courts and parks, enabling citizens to have ample opportunities to exercise with family members and friends, and even hold the group activities. In addition, as the saying goes." On life"s stage, pressure is always present." Nowadays, university students are compelled to confront immense acodemic pressure, and as a result, exercising alone in the playground has emerged as their significant choice for utilizing leisure time. Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

what about future trends? I"m confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of citizens, serving as a microcosm of the changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of the ways of doing exercise among the citizens in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%.

批改：你准确地描述了图表中的核心数据，并使用了 takes the lead, followed by 等地道表达，出色地完成了描述任务。开篇句也非常规范。

原文：as the conductor orchestra

批改：as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes.：这里使用了句号，导致句子不完整，应改为逗号。

原文：acodemi

批改：acodemic 拼写错误，应为 academic。

原文：o start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes. our government has made tremendous efforts to build more basketball courts and parks, enabling citizens to have ample opportunities to exercise with family members and friends, and even hold the group activities. In addition, as the saying goes." On life"s stage, pressure is always present." Nowadays, university students are compelled to confront immense acodemic pressure, and as a result, exercising alone in the playground has emerged as their significant choice for utilizing leisure time. Considering these factors,the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.

批改：逻辑问题（核心）： 第一个原因：政府建设更多场地，这确实能解释“锻炼更方便”，但无法直接解释图表中最突出的现象——为什么“独自锻炼”的比例（54.3%）远高于“与家人”和“团体”。这个原因更像是为所有锻炼方式提供了便利。 第二个原因：将锻炼方式的选择仅归因于“大学生”的“学业压力”，论证范围过窄。图表调查的是“某市居民”，涵盖各个年龄段和职业。用部分群体的情况来解释整体现象，说服力不足。

原文：hat abo

批改：what 首字母未大写，应为 What

原文：m confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of citizen

批改：长句逻辑：这个长句的主干是 the figures reflect choices and will remain stable，但“数据”本身不会“保持稳定”，会保持稳定的是“这种分布状况”或“这种趋势”。建议修改主语，例如：I am confident that this distribution pattern, which reflects..., will likely remain..

原文：t about future trends? I"m confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of citizens, serving as a microcosm of the changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.

批改：你明确地对未来趋势做出了预测

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：11分

给你的提升建议：

让论证直指图表核心：不要满足于解释“人们为什么锻炼”，要深入解释“人们为什么这样锻炼”。针对“独自锻炼”占比最高，更直接的原因可以是：

现代生活的快节奏与灵活性 (The fast pace and flexible nature of modern life make it easier to schedule solo workouts than to coordinate with others.)

运动的个性化与减压需求 (Exercise is often viewed as a personal time for stress relief and introspection, which is best achieved alone.)

确保论据覆盖全面：当使用“居民”这类整体概念时，提出的原因应尽量具有普适性，而非局限于“大学生”等特定群体。

持续关注细节：注意首字母大写和长句内部的逻辑主语统一。

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