考研英语一2016年大作文真题与例文批改

考研英语一作文真题每年的命题都会折射出当年的社会热点。本文呈现的2016年考研英语一批改范例，从生活实际出发，紧扣命题意图。启航教育老师在批注中详细指出了图（表）描述、原因分析与建议评论的合理答题节奏。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father in front of the TV, smoking while asking his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father sits at the table and completes his own tasks seriously, and his son is dealing with his homework seriously, too. Under the two picture, there is a text: it’s better to set a right example rather than merely having demands. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to the readers that a right example is the brush that paints a brilliant future ,while negative example is the shackle that hinders personal progress .

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, in society full of changes, chances, challenges, following right example has become a key factor that distinguishes individuals from ordinary people, and its significance has become increasing evident.On the other hand ,not only does negative example set by parent hinder young generation’s development and leave them with a negative outlook on life ,but also it has a great influence on preventing them from shining brightly in the future .

In brief,setting a positive example is the catalyst for personal development ,from which we all stand to .Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice.Additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative example to ensure our growth stays on course .

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：in front of the TV, smoking

批改：可以改成sitting and smoking in front of TV

原文：On the contrary

批改：语义应为“对比”而非“相反”，用 By contrast

原文：seriously, too

批改：避免重复的 seriously，并且too 改成as well

原文：dealing with

批改：doing

原文：picture

批改：复数形式pictures

原文： text

批改：caption

原文：having

批改：固定搭配make demands

原文：right

批改：good

原文： but

批改：并列用 and 更顺

原文：in society full of changes, chances, challenges

批改：in a society full of change and challenges

原文： right

批改：good

原文：ordinary people

批改：用the crowd更合适

原文：ncreasing

批改：increasingly

原文：has a great influence on preventing

批改：用 may also prevent 更自然

原文：parent

批改：parents

原文： the

批改：a

原文：example

批改：examples 复数

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：9/20

1.题目要求：基本回应题目，首段可以更精炼地交代两幅图的对比元素。

2.语言表达：基础语法错误较多，并且有很多中式表达和句意冗余，有时候不是词藻的堆砌就一定好。

3.行文逻辑：三段结构有，继续保持。

4.改进建议：考生应正视自己在语法和句意表达上的不足，应结合范文仔细剖析语言结构，做到模板应用的最优化。在行文方面应该紧扣论点，可以尝试将个人想法以中文呈现，再去用合适的/高级的英语词汇和语法进行润色。任重道远，请继续加油!

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