考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大,一直是2021年考研英语二备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语二大作文话题,给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文,文中不仅有逐句批注,还附有可复制的考研英语二高分写作模板。
一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目
考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)
二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文
The bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of different kinds of physical exercise among the residents in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, ways such as exercising with family members and group activities are also considered, accounting for 23.9% and 15.8%, respectively.
The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. First and foremost, as the saying goes, “On life’s stage, pressure is always present.” Nowadays, residents are compelled to confront immense work pressure, and as a result, exercising alone has emerged as their primary option for utilizing leisure time. In addition, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build many football fields, basketball courts and parks, enabling residents to exercise with their friends and family. Last but not least, group activities occurs when penple from all walks of life seek for the ones with similar hobbies. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
What about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of citizens, serving as a microcosm of changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.
三、考研英语作文批改
原文:The bar chart clearly displays the percentage breakdown of different kinds of physical exercise among the residents in a certain city. Exercising alone takes the lead at 54.3%, followed by exercising with friends at 47.7%. Additionally, ways such as exercising with family members and group activities are also considered, accounting for 23.9% and 15.8%, respectively.
批改:对图表的描述较为全面,表达通顺
原文:occurs
批改:主语是复数,这里 要用原型 occur
原文:penple
批改:people
原文:for
批改:seek是及物动词,这里应删除
原文:The core reasons for the observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. First and foremost, as the saying goes, “On life’s stage, pressure is always present.” Nowadays, residents are compelled to confront immense work pressure, and as a result, exercising alone has emerged as their primary option for utilizing leisure time. In addition, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build many football fields, basketball courts and parks, enabling residents to exercise with their friends and family. Last but not least, group activities occurs when penple from all walks of life seek for the ones with similar hobbies. Considering these factors, the depicted phenomenon in the chart is unsurprising.
批改:解释了独自锻炼,与亲友锻炼和团体活动占比较高的原因,一般来说论述部分分两条解释就可以了,鉴于第三条的表达有较多的问题,建议删除
原文:What about future trends? I am confident that the above statistical figures accurately and truthfully reflect the choices of citizens, serving as a microcosm of changes in the era, and will likely remain relatively stable in the following decades.
批改:点明个人观点,表达通顺
四、考研英语作文评分
得分:13/15
题目要求:对图表信息描绘全面准确,个人观点及论述内容符合题意;
语言表达:全文大部分内容与范文相似,个人发挥的部分存在 一些语病。如果考试时需要套用模板,记得根据题意灵活调整模板内容,使之更加切题;
行文逻辑:第一段描述题干内容,第二段分析原因,第三表达观点,架构完整;
修改建议:改正原文错误;精简文章内容;继续积累经典句式并熟练使用;加强语法练习;
整体来说还不错,继续保持~
如果你也想让自己的考研英语二作文拿到理想分数,可以将本文的范文与老师批注作为标杆反复研读。同时,启航教育2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班已正式启动报名,在线咨询可获考研英语二大作文高分资料礼包。
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